Facing Acceptance

We all have faced hardships, uncertainties, moments in our lives where we would rather forget ever existed. However, let me ask you this what would you do, when you have run from everything your whole life that when you’re forced to suddenly accept what has happened? What’s in your past, What has made you WHO you are, what damaged you and even? What may have destroyed you? When you’re faced to realize after so long of keeping it hidden, that it’s time to shine and that door’s finally open. You suddenly have no choice but to either face the reality of it head on, conquer it, overcome, and battle your demons one by one until you come out on top. Or continue the same path letting everything destroy you piece by piece until there’s nothing left and in the process of destroying yourself, your shoving everyone and everything you love aside like it don’t even matter? It’s your decision!
Rejection sets in like a wildfire… Depression, doubt, insecurities… just feeding the roaring blaze. In the back of your mind, you hear a little voice nagging you just shut the hell up and get up and change it already! I know how the story goes particularly after years of being told day after day… 24 hours a day seven days a week the same broken record… Your not good enough… you’ll never amount to anything… you’re a pathetic excuse for a human soul… your just a mistake… you’ll never be my daughter. After so long you start to believe these things, particularly when you don’t have anyone else filling in the shattered pieces. For so long I sat here seeking comfort,love,acceptance,guidance,understanding.. yet keeping myself at a distance all for what? your sick childish games? You’re messed up mind games like I’m some puppet in some sick love triangle?
For so long I sat here and let you control my life… I’ve let you dictate who,where,how,what.. and for god’s sakes, I even let you, yeah you of all people tell me how to be… I was seeking acceptance and words, deep down, i knew I’d never hear “I’m proud of you” Or “I love you” Just once I wanted to hear those coming from the lips of the man who was supposed to be my hero… But guess what I’m no longer that lost,afraid,broken,beaten down little girl who’s screaming HELP in the corner… Searching, pleading, begging for a damn way out as i drown and suffocate more and more, by your endless web of lies and deceit. I no longer will be the one you keep at bay to just abuse and use to your disposal. I tried for twenty years to have you in my life, to give you that gift… I put myself through more hell than I ever should have for you… why because i thought that was acceptance, that was love, that was how I was supposed to be treated… But now I realize the ultimate truth, and that is… I don’t need you? I don’t need a damn thing from you… I don’t need to hear those from you; I heard them from my grandpa, he raised me when you should have been… I realize now love isn’t throwing me against walls hitting me raping me abusing me… Sexually, physically, and verbally that’s not love nor is that acceptance. I no longer need to be your punching bag, I can finally be free of these chains and spread my wings and soar. I can be surrounded by people that cherish me that pick me up when I’m falling down… that praise me and never ever tell me I’m a mistake. They always pick me up not tear me down. Accepting love isn’t easy but piece by piece. They help me to restore what you’ve destroyed. Stone by stone I will have my confidence back… This is to you dad the letter you’ll at no time see… because you never gave a damn to be there when I needed you most!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s